No More Mommy Guilt and Shame
It all started with a thought.
I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought I wasn’t capable of teaching my girls.
For the first few years of homeschooling, I wanted to run. I wanted to put my girls in school by the end of every school year. I truly didn’t feel like I was good enough to teach them myself.
Lies…just lies. I am enough. I’ve always been enough. God has called me to this because He has a better plan than I do. I look back now and I think, wow I was really silly.
Do you feel guilty when you don’t get everything done?
Let me just say this, what you complete in a day is what you were meant to get done. The rest will be there for you tomorrow. Honestly, we put way to much pressure on ourselves and deem ourselves as failures if we don’t get everything done. I know. I do this too, but I am working on it.
Do you feel ashamed when you are at the grocery store during the day and someone asks your kids “why aren’t you in school”?
I have and I do. Why? I should be proud of the difficult path I have chosen. I could be at the salon getting my nails done or eating lunch with friends while my kids are in school. But I chose to nourish my children in rich literature and help them to do their math work every day. So why shouldn’t I boldly say “YES we homeschool?! Yes! I have chosen to take on the extremely important task of giving my children their education.” But, I cower, cringe and shake sometimes.
Mommy Guilt is an Epidemic
Guilt and shame are not only for murderers and thieves. Guilt and shame can happen anywhere at anytime. I suffered a miscarriage 13 years ago. Was it my fault? Well, no. Did I blame myself? Well, yeah. Did I feel like others blamed me? Pretty much. It seems like people are quick to judge and we are even quicker with judging ourselves than others.
One thing I’ve noticed is that everyone has an opinion when it comes to my kids. Are they socialized? How can they possibly be learning anything at home? I’ve even had people quiz my kids. Yep, no joke. Public school kids get asked… what are you learning in school? My kids get asked… what’s 6×6? I just don’t get it, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I just have to give them grace because they don’t understand and aren’t comfortable with the path we’ve chosen. And you know what, they probably never will be, but if I continue to allow these comments or the fact that I’m left out of any conversations that have to do with school, I will go mad. So, I have to push it away. They know not what they do…
We blame ourselves for everything. And if we don’t, someone else surely will.
Mommy guilt is seriously out of control today. Why is it that we feel guilty when we enjoy our life or leave our kids for one night or even one hour with someone else? We’ve gotta stop this, sweet friend. We are doing the best that we can and we need time to refresh so that when we are with our kids we can enjoy every minute.
No More Mommy Guilt and Shame
It took me years to realize that I have no guilt, I have no shame. Because I’m made new in Christ. I’m forgiven, I’m free. As you know, I’m not saying that I am perfect, but I’m made perfect in Him. Before I became a Christian, I led a life that I am not proud of. But it is my past, I am not that person anymore.
And still to this day, I fight the past from creeping up on me. I fight the future from creating more guilt and shame. I am a homeschooling mother, will I fail? Will I fall? Will I have the patience to homeschool my kids tomorrow? Will they be mad at me for not getting to go to prom? How will I react when things don’t go as planned? Will I be able to not feel the shame that people try to throw at me for homeschooling? Will I be able to go against the lies that try to fill my thoughts?
I don’t know, but what I do know is that no matter what happens I will always say YES to Jesus, so all of it will be washed away.
Furthermore, we care too much about what others think about us. I know I struggle with it. I recently wrote a post about Approval Addiction and I scoped about it too.
There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. -Romans 8:1
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Let the Peace Roll In Mama
When we realize that God is for us and He loves us anyway and we plow and press into His presence through all this junk weighing us down like all the unfinished school work, hurtful words that slipped when we were angry, mounds of laundry we are feeling guilty for not getting to and on and on and on we go, there is a great peace that surpasses all on the other side. So, rest mama, be at peace, press past all this mess and just give it all to God.
Free Your Mind
I am reminded of a song from the 90’s by En Vogue Free Your Mind. The lyrics go something like this… free your mind and the rest will follow… I know this song is totally not talking about mommy guilt, but this couldn’t be more true. If we stop thinking about the mean things that people say or everything we didn’t get finished, we would be a lot more free.
We don’t have to carry the guilt and shame anymore. Lay it at the feet of Jesus and get up. Free your mind! Now go sweet mama, love your family, love your neighbor and when you fall get up and dust the guilt and shame off. Say YES to Jesus and it is finished.
Consequently, mommy Guilt and shame are gonna come. Will you be ready next time? Rather,be intentional every day to shut it down. Free your mind. You are enough mama.
I would love if you would come visit me at KindomFirstHomeschool.com where I share encouragement, inspiration, tips, printables, and resources for your home and homeschool. It was an absolute honor to be a part of this 20 Days of Homeschooling Encouragement Blog Party with so many awesome mamas. I truly hope you will be encouraged by this and realize that you are not alone, we are in this together.